It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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