you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
