I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
