last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
