what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
