I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
