I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
