bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the liver wants what the liver wants
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
