When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
