just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
