so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
