Someone shit on the floor
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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