Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm passing your future prison.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
