I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
