I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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