Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
