Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
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He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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