Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
