He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
