First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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