I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
