There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
