Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
