i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
