I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
