so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
