i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
