two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
