PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im holly from the hills drunk
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
