Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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