At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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