this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
