I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
