I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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