i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
