i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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