I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
