Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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