South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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