she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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