Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
