You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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