Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
