I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
