You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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