I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
