i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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