Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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