Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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