Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
