her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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