I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We named our party play list daddy issues
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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