it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
smell my finger.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
