i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
