Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
