I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
