she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
