'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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