morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
