hotel room ftw
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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