does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
