I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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