Your tits are I can't wait for
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
