I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
accomplished twins. life is a go
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
