Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
