for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Someone came in the potted fern
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
