I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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