Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish I only lived at night.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
