so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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