Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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