New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
