This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ketchup is God's man juice
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
