Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
