i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
