The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
