He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
