I'm really into asian looking animals
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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