Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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