I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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