he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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